Some trips are nice and short. Some on the other hand are looooong. But when you arrive after a long journey, the destination is that much sweeter. Well, at least that is what I am telling myself.
I have shared before that perfectionism tries to run my life. Thankfully, my life is actually run by the Lord who trumps perfectionism, but sometimes I still allow it to take the top seat. I have found freedom from this bondage, which to me means, God has revealed it to me, taken away its power over me and given me the ability to recognize when it is creeping in the back door.
Unfortunately, that doesn't mean that I am immediately able to fully accept myself and not battle with finding acceptance. My pursuit to overcome perfectionism is a journey. The driving from Mexico to Canada kind of journey.
In this road trip that I am on, I must give myself grace when my world is out of control and I feel that it reflects badly on me. I have to give myself grace when I snap at someone when I'm under pressure or have a judgemental thought jump in my mind about someone's behavior. Or, how about this one? Give myself grace when comparing myself to a person much more kind, mature and gracious than I? Uh.
Giving myself grace is not believeing that my behavior is right, it is releasing myself after I make the situation right or ask for forgiveness. Accepting my personality, quirks, and weeknesses do not come naturally but God always welcomes me fully with a comforting embrace. Embracing me not because he overlooks what is wrong with me, but because he accepts all of me.
So there's not really a point or lesson in this blog, just a "day in the life" entry on my cross country road trip.
-Katy
Monday, September 13, 2010
Friday, August 27, 2010
Population Me
I was just in the car and heard a new song on KLTY. It caught my attention because, although I don't remember the exact lyrics, the idea was; I can make selfish decisions when the population is me.
That line of "population me" was very black and white. Selfish = me, selfless = 2. When we do something for another person, we leave the "me" camp and our perspective is broadened.
My husband and I have just bought a home and are moving this Sunday. We prayed through every decision regarding this house, because we knew this home was not ours, but a tool the Lord would use to bring peace and joy to other people. The first evening we owned the house, we went in the backyard and said "This is God's house. We don't deserve this and we did nothing to earn this. So we will only use it how God tells us to use it."
Making that decision from day one was so important to the population of our house. We can have a mentality of "us four no more" or we can create a safe environment for hurting people to come and find healing, through hospitality and friendship.
This example was set for us very strongly by our parents. Many people have found the love of Jesus through the peace and safety of our parents homes.
I wanted to write about this today because I pray that many others will have their perspective broadened about the value of their home. In American, the value of homes are based on size, materials used, trees on the lot, etc. But what is the true value of your home? Do you see it as a place for your family to eat and sleep? Or is it a place of refuge for the needy and comfort for the brokenhearted.
Kyle and I were raised in homes that didn't just shut the door to the world around it, but welcomed others in and met their needs.
This blog is a shout out to our parents. They prove that communities are changed when a family doesn't close the blinds, but instead, looks out and loves those who need help.
-Katy
That line of "population me" was very black and white. Selfish = me, selfless = 2. When we do something for another person, we leave the "me" camp and our perspective is broadened.
My husband and I have just bought a home and are moving this Sunday. We prayed through every decision regarding this house, because we knew this home was not ours, but a tool the Lord would use to bring peace and joy to other people. The first evening we owned the house, we went in the backyard and said "This is God's house. We don't deserve this and we did nothing to earn this. So we will only use it how God tells us to use it."
Making that decision from day one was so important to the population of our house. We can have a mentality of "us four no more" or we can create a safe environment for hurting people to come and find healing, through hospitality and friendship.
This example was set for us very strongly by our parents. Many people have found the love of Jesus through the peace and safety of our parents homes.
I wanted to write about this today because I pray that many others will have their perspective broadened about the value of their home. In American, the value of homes are based on size, materials used, trees on the lot, etc. But what is the true value of your home? Do you see it as a place for your family to eat and sleep? Or is it a place of refuge for the needy and comfort for the brokenhearted.
Kyle and I were raised in homes that didn't just shut the door to the world around it, but welcomed others in and met their needs.
This blog is a shout out to our parents. They prove that communities are changed when a family doesn't close the blinds, but instead, looks out and loves those who need help.
-Katy
Saturday, August 21, 2010
When Priorities Change
Goals, dreams, lists, values... all great things, but it seems they change.
When I was younger I wanted to work in marketing in a tall building in the big city, drink coffee, wear high heels, be in charge of things and go to meetings with clients. I know, drink coffee? But it just seemed really cool.
So at the ripe age of 21 I actually worked for an advertising agency, in a tall building in the big city, drank coffee, wore high heels, had a lot of responsibilities and even went to client meetings. (some pretty cool ones to) Well, it turned out that was not what I truly desired after all. What my heart longed for, was something completely different!
God removed me from that career path and took me to my current job in women's groups, which by the way, I said I would never do. I work for an incredible church that is setting the example for churches all over the world for health, healing, worship, stewardship, giving, local and global outreach and much more. My job is not glamorous as I spend most of my day answering questions and making excel sheets, but I love it. It is my dream for today and God changed my heart so that I could fulfill this role in the church body. For the record I still wear high heels.
The reason I was thinking about this is my sister posted a blog today about not having a desire to have anymore biological children, although she values that gift, her heart has been changed by the Lord to long for orphans to have homes. Her mother's heart has been redirected for the motherless. What an honor that the Lord trusted her to fulfill this role. She is an advocate for orphans around the world and her voice will bring thousands of abandoned children to their mommy and daddy.
I am so proud that what society says is most important, does not control her decisions, but her humility to the little ones in need and listening to the call of God.
This makes me wonder what dreams I have now that I currently think are important, but will eventually turn into insignificant details. I can say today that I never would have dreamed of being a part of a ministry that washes the feet of strippers... but God changed that too.
-Katy
When I was younger I wanted to work in marketing in a tall building in the big city, drink coffee, wear high heels, be in charge of things and go to meetings with clients. I know, drink coffee? But it just seemed really cool.
So at the ripe age of 21 I actually worked for an advertising agency, in a tall building in the big city, drank coffee, wore high heels, had a lot of responsibilities and even went to client meetings. (some pretty cool ones to) Well, it turned out that was not what I truly desired after all. What my heart longed for, was something completely different!
God removed me from that career path and took me to my current job in women's groups, which by the way, I said I would never do. I work for an incredible church that is setting the example for churches all over the world for health, healing, worship, stewardship, giving, local and global outreach and much more. My job is not glamorous as I spend most of my day answering questions and making excel sheets, but I love it. It is my dream for today and God changed my heart so that I could fulfill this role in the church body. For the record I still wear high heels.
The reason I was thinking about this is my sister posted a blog today about not having a desire to have anymore biological children, although she values that gift, her heart has been changed by the Lord to long for orphans to have homes. Her mother's heart has been redirected for the motherless. What an honor that the Lord trusted her to fulfill this role. She is an advocate for orphans around the world and her voice will bring thousands of abandoned children to their mommy and daddy.
I am so proud that what society says is most important, does not control her decisions, but her humility to the little ones in need and listening to the call of God.
This makes me wonder what dreams I have now that I currently think are important, but will eventually turn into insignificant details. I can say today that I never would have dreamed of being a part of a ministry that washes the feet of strippers... but God changed that too.
-Katy
Friday, August 13, 2010
The Why's
Sometimes things happen that make you go "Really?"
This morning I learned about a sad loss in my family and my body is still numb. I am frozen by the "why" in my heart.
A few years ago my family experienced a tragic loss and the "why" of that event took over in my heart for a season. That is a nice way of saying I was ticked at God. For months I was in a funk of numbness and hurt. From that experience I learned that the "why" that haunts you can be your worst enemy. To demand to know why and understand can be the source of depression or rebelion.
Today as I feel the need to scream at the Lord and explain to Him what would have been better, I know deep down that my will has to rise above my emotions and decide to trust my faithful God.
I'm not going to stuff down my feelings or pretend that I'm fine, but I will express them and know that although those feelings are real, they have no power over me.
The only power that I can allow to be over me is the healing power of the Holy Spirit. It is His job to heal mine and my family's heart and it is our job to guard our hearts from bitterness.
I believe it is not the events in our lives that cause the most pain. It is the why that we allow to control us.
- Katy
This morning I learned about a sad loss in my family and my body is still numb. I am frozen by the "why" in my heart.
A few years ago my family experienced a tragic loss and the "why" of that event took over in my heart for a season. That is a nice way of saying I was ticked at God. For months I was in a funk of numbness and hurt. From that experience I learned that the "why" that haunts you can be your worst enemy. To demand to know why and understand can be the source of depression or rebelion.
Today as I feel the need to scream at the Lord and explain to Him what would have been better, I know deep down that my will has to rise above my emotions and decide to trust my faithful God.
I'm not going to stuff down my feelings or pretend that I'm fine, but I will express them and know that although those feelings are real, they have no power over me.
The only power that I can allow to be over me is the healing power of the Holy Spirit. It is His job to heal mine and my family's heart and it is our job to guard our hearts from bitterness.
I believe it is not the events in our lives that cause the most pain. It is the why that we allow to control us.
- Katy
Sunday, August 8, 2010
Three Lessons
It is Saturday night and I could be spending time with my awesome friends or family. But instead I am here, sitting on the ground in the corner of the dressing room hunched over clipping a strangers toe nails and she's HIGH!!
These were the thoughts that were going through my mind about 9pm this past Saturday as I was back at the strip club giving pedicures to the dancers with three other women.
The lessons learned this time: 1) humility 2) patience 3) and a grand finale of faith.
Humility
I realized something while washing "Clover's" feet. The moment I walk in the door here, I no longer work at a mega-church and do important Kingdom things all day. I don't tithe or give to missions. I don't have a solid marriage, healthy friend and family relationships. I don't watch what I eat, work-out or drink lots of water. I am no longer the person that makes me a "good person" in church world. I am a stranger here to give you a free pedicure.
A dancer decides I look trust worthy enough to let me paint her toenails and immediately I am a part of her world. Smoke blowing my face, dirty language used in our conversation and all the drama you can image. So different than my world.
Then the moment I walk out, my handsome godly husband picks me up in our shiny new truck and saves me from the dirtiness and takes me to our peaceful happy life. (Keep in mind I like it that way and I don't want any of that to change, I guess I just find it ironic.)
Any way, that is how the evening began. Contemplating how my life is so so so different then theirs, but only by a few choices.
Patience
While sitting listening to the girls' casual conversations, each one of them admit that they have either been raped or sexually abused. This is their casual conversation. That is when I realized that maybe clipping Clover's toenails didn't matter tonight, but overtime it will. This ministry is about trust. When you reach out to those who have been wronged their entire life, it is going to take some time.
Faith
While we were in the club, Kyle stayed at a near by McDonald's and prayed for us. As he was sitting there a woman walked up and asked him if he was reading the Bible. He said yes and they began talking about why he was there. She said that she was a Christian also, from New York, just passing through and she thought it was awesome what he was doing and went on the restroom. When she came out, the woman went back over to Kyle and said that God had told her to give to the ministry and handed him a $100 check.
That woman's faith in God's leading gave us a huge boost of faith and encouragement that we were needing. It showed Kyle that his time spent in pray mattered. It showed me that the time spent listening to these hurting women mattered. And even clipping Clover's toenails mattered. But most of all, the dancers matter.
- Katy
These were the thoughts that were going through my mind about 9pm this past Saturday as I was back at the strip club giving pedicures to the dancers with three other women.
The lessons learned this time: 1) humility 2) patience 3) and a grand finale of faith.
Humility
I realized something while washing "Clover's" feet. The moment I walk in the door here, I no longer work at a mega-church and do important Kingdom things all day. I don't tithe or give to missions. I don't have a solid marriage, healthy friend and family relationships. I don't watch what I eat, work-out or drink lots of water. I am no longer the person that makes me a "good person" in church world. I am a stranger here to give you a free pedicure.
A dancer decides I look trust worthy enough to let me paint her toenails and immediately I am a part of her world. Smoke blowing my face, dirty language used in our conversation and all the drama you can image. So different than my world.
Then the moment I walk out, my handsome godly husband picks me up in our shiny new truck and saves me from the dirtiness and takes me to our peaceful happy life. (Keep in mind I like it that way and I don't want any of that to change, I guess I just find it ironic.)
Any way, that is how the evening began. Contemplating how my life is so so so different then theirs, but only by a few choices.
Patience
While sitting listening to the girls' casual conversations, each one of them admit that they have either been raped or sexually abused. This is their casual conversation. That is when I realized that maybe clipping Clover's toenails didn't matter tonight, but overtime it will. This ministry is about trust. When you reach out to those who have been wronged their entire life, it is going to take some time.
Faith
While we were in the club, Kyle stayed at a near by McDonald's and prayed for us. As he was sitting there a woman walked up and asked him if he was reading the Bible. He said yes and they began talking about why he was there. She said that she was a Christian also, from New York, just passing through and she thought it was awesome what he was doing and went on the restroom. When she came out, the woman went back over to Kyle and said that God had told her to give to the ministry and handed him a $100 check.
That woman's faith in God's leading gave us a huge boost of faith and encouragement that we were needing. It showed Kyle that his time spent in pray mattered. It showed me that the time spent listening to these hurting women mattered. And even clipping Clover's toenails mattered. But most of all, the dancers matter.
- Katy
Sunday, July 25, 2010
An Ocean to Find
Today I want to give a big shout out to the Freedom Ministry Department at my church. They are teaching thousands of people how to truly walk in freedom, live in that mind set and share it with others. They are sharing their wisdom everyday to bring healing to the church.
I have noticed that it is very common for Christians to talk about "being free" and they often quote this scripture: "Now the Lord is the Spirit, and where the Spirit of the Lord is, there is freedom."
But I am beginning to think the freedom they are talking about is simply freedom from hell. They are free because they are redeemed and will spend eternity in heaven. I am not disagreeing or making that fact any less valuable, but that freedom is just the tip of what the Lord offers to us.
I want to share an example with you because only when we see how specific the Lord is in freeing us, can we understand how deep He want to go to bring healing.
A couple of weeks ago I was talking with a friend and she mentioned hanging out with one of my other friends. Right then, something in me was uncomfortable. I didn't like that and really I just didn't want my friends being friends with out me around. I knew immediately that my inner response was wrong and not of the Lord so I thought about it all day wondering why I would have such a childish feeling.
After work I went to another friend and told her that I had something that God needed to change about me and I wanted her help. So we went to a room by ourselves and she said "Holy Spirit show Katy the first time she felt this way." I saw myself in my room when I was in 6th grade and a friend of mine was telling me something bad about one of our other friends. Right then I knew that if she would talk bad about her she would talk bad about me.
That was a negative experience as a child, but it would have had no effect on me if I had not attached a meaning to the situation. So my friend walking me through this said "Holy Spirit, show Katy if she believed a lie when this happened." I knew right away what I believed. That you have to be perfect for there not to be anything bad to say about you, and you can't have good friends if your not perfect.
See how my lie that I believed really wasn't the truth? The truth is that my 6th grade friend shouldn't gossip. But the enemy that hates us uses even the smallest negative event to lie to us.
In my little "ministry session", we continued asking God questions and going down memories to find out what I believed from those instances. By the end, we had unfolded a web of lies that effected my friendships even today, and I forgave those who were involved in the memories the Lord showed me. It was so freeing to know that my relationships would be healthier from this simple act of uncovering lies and claiming the truth. It was another layer of strongholds broken, all in a days work!
I am grateful to be learning how God wants to not only redeem us for eternity but redeem us for today. There is an ocean of freedom available for everyone if we search it out. God will always show up because He is eager to speak to us about our true identity.
- Katy
I have noticed that it is very common for Christians to talk about "being free" and they often quote this scripture: "Now the Lord is the Spirit, and where the Spirit of the Lord is, there is freedom."
But I am beginning to think the freedom they are talking about is simply freedom from hell. They are free because they are redeemed and will spend eternity in heaven. I am not disagreeing or making that fact any less valuable, but that freedom is just the tip of what the Lord offers to us.
I want to share an example with you because only when we see how specific the Lord is in freeing us, can we understand how deep He want to go to bring healing.
A couple of weeks ago I was talking with a friend and she mentioned hanging out with one of my other friends. Right then, something in me was uncomfortable. I didn't like that and really I just didn't want my friends being friends with out me around. I knew immediately that my inner response was wrong and not of the Lord so I thought about it all day wondering why I would have such a childish feeling.
After work I went to another friend and told her that I had something that God needed to change about me and I wanted her help. So we went to a room by ourselves and she said "Holy Spirit show Katy the first time she felt this way." I saw myself in my room when I was in 6th grade and a friend of mine was telling me something bad about one of our other friends. Right then I knew that if she would talk bad about her she would talk bad about me.
That was a negative experience as a child, but it would have had no effect on me if I had not attached a meaning to the situation. So my friend walking me through this said "Holy Spirit, show Katy if she believed a lie when this happened." I knew right away what I believed. That you have to be perfect for there not to be anything bad to say about you, and you can't have good friends if your not perfect.
See how my lie that I believed really wasn't the truth? The truth is that my 6th grade friend shouldn't gossip. But the enemy that hates us uses even the smallest negative event to lie to us.
In my little "ministry session", we continued asking God questions and going down memories to find out what I believed from those instances. By the end, we had unfolded a web of lies that effected my friendships even today, and I forgave those who were involved in the memories the Lord showed me. It was so freeing to know that my relationships would be healthier from this simple act of uncovering lies and claiming the truth. It was another layer of strongholds broken, all in a days work!
I am grateful to be learning how God wants to not only redeem us for eternity but redeem us for today. There is an ocean of freedom available for everyone if we search it out. God will always show up because He is eager to speak to us about our true identity.
- Katy
Wednesday, July 14, 2010
Ballerina
One of my favorite (and least favorite) things about being a Christian is the constant change it brings. The Holy Spirit speaks to me daily about my attitude, character and habits and gently shows me the places that I need... let's say refining.
Most recently the Lord has been speaking to me about becoming a graceful person. A woman that extends grace to others generously. As grace has been freely given to me by the Father, I want to learn to easily give grace to other people.
I think we are all graceful in certain areas; the places in our lives that are easy for us to not get upset about, or the ways we are more understanding. For example, the other day Kyle accidentally got food on my shirt. No problem to me, I whipped out my Tide pen to go and took care of it without ever being frustrated with him. Extending grace for accidents or mistakes is easy to me.
Now on the other hand, you put me with someone who is stubborn and close minded and I pull out my judgmental guns in no time. Or when someone says something inappropriate or is hard-hearted towards the Lord, I am a cannon ready to fire with opinion about their behavior.
Kyle is the exact opposite! He has such amazing grace for people who drive me crazy but he would have a more difficult time with me spilling food on him. No matter what gets you judging people and losing your cool, it is the same bottom line. Unending grace has been given to you... shouldn't we learn to give it to others?
The habit of judgment is not from the Holy Spirit but directly from a spirit of pride or criticism. I was telling Kyle that I am committed to changing and needed his help to remind me of this when I start heading down the path of criticism. Of course, when you recruit your spouse to keep you accountable you need it to be done in a very "easy to swallow" way. So I told Kyle to just let me know by calling me "Ballerina". A quick and inoffensive way to remind me that I am to walk down a graceful path and not one that nit picks other people.
Ballerina is silly, but that is why I chose it. When I am stuck in the mind set of judging another person, I will need a goofy reminder to refocus my thoughts and say "Holy Spirit, I messed up again. Thank you for being a very patient and GRACEFUL teacher. I give you control, please help me to do better next time."
- Katy
Most recently the Lord has been speaking to me about becoming a graceful person. A woman that extends grace to others generously. As grace has been freely given to me by the Father, I want to learn to easily give grace to other people.
I think we are all graceful in certain areas; the places in our lives that are easy for us to not get upset about, or the ways we are more understanding. For example, the other day Kyle accidentally got food on my shirt. No problem to me, I whipped out my Tide pen to go and took care of it without ever being frustrated with him. Extending grace for accidents or mistakes is easy to me.
Now on the other hand, you put me with someone who is stubborn and close minded and I pull out my judgmental guns in no time. Or when someone says something inappropriate or is hard-hearted towards the Lord, I am a cannon ready to fire with opinion about their behavior.
Kyle is the exact opposite! He has such amazing grace for people who drive me crazy but he would have a more difficult time with me spilling food on him. No matter what gets you judging people and losing your cool, it is the same bottom line. Unending grace has been given to you... shouldn't we learn to give it to others?
The habit of judgment is not from the Holy Spirit but directly from a spirit of pride or criticism. I was telling Kyle that I am committed to changing and needed his help to remind me of this when I start heading down the path of criticism. Of course, when you recruit your spouse to keep you accountable you need it to be done in a very "easy to swallow" way. So I told Kyle to just let me know by calling me "Ballerina". A quick and inoffensive way to remind me that I am to walk down a graceful path and not one that nit picks other people.
Ballerina is silly, but that is why I chose it. When I am stuck in the mind set of judging another person, I will need a goofy reminder to refocus my thoughts and say "Holy Spirit, I messed up again. Thank you for being a very patient and GRACEFUL teacher. I give you control, please help me to do better next time."
- Katy
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)